While I was procrastinating something the other day, I read through a thread on an internet forums wherein forum members shame their coworkers/friends/relatives for not being as good with money as them. These forum members also have tales of being ridiculed for being so cheap/frugal. And yet, they’re ridiculing their friends/coworkers/relatives in this anonymous, but very heavily search engine indexed forum. Say what?
This whole world would be better if we could learn to not judge others for their choices. This is something I’ve been working on the last few years, but at this point, I have my financial judging down to one: complaining about something that you could fix, but aren’t.
For the longest time, I judged a spendy friend for spending in different ways than I value. I also judged my boyfriend for spending in different ways than I value. But both of those two people have solid reserves and spend less than they earn – just in different ways than I would. To my friend, I probably spend more on security (savings) than they consider necessary. I think they spent more on housing than probably necessary, but you know what I can comment on? They have a really lovely house. And I absolutely love really lovely houses even if I don’t value spending my money on them. (Okay, I do, but in smaller doses of money spent.)
What does judging others for their different financial ideas get you? All it gets you is a negative attitude towards them. You don’t have to share every single possible interest with someone in order to be friends. I have friends who I work out with, friends who I work with, friends who I discuss money with, friends who I travel with, etc. Unless someone told you exactly the decision process that led them to do X where X is something you don’t agree with, you quite possibly don’t even know where they’re coming from. I’ve had people judge me for buying a brand-new car, without knowing that my plan was to hold it for 10-15 years. People judged me for pre-ordering an iPhone 6S when it was announced, without considering that perhaps I am frugal in other ways and that is a way in which I choose to spend my money, or realizing that I spend $35/month on my cell phone plan.
If you’re financially stable, that’s probably one of your values. I know it’s one of mine. I value being financially stable and secure, living in a home I love, having a closet of clothes that fit and make me feel good wearing them, getting plenty of time outdoors, and staying active.
Instead of spending time judging others for their so-called terrible decisions, instead try to remain positive. You might even end up educating them or learning something yourself. For example, when a coworker judged me for buying the new phone, I told them that I paid cash for it and have a cheap cell phone plan, which they hadn’t even realized was an option. They then bought their next cell phone in cash as well and have a cheaper cell phone plan as well now. I will say I was surprised at the person who was incredulous that I would pay $800 in one go for a phone. Yet it’s a device that they too use all the time and get a ton of enjoyment and use out of it for an $800 thing that will cost me about $1/day. I would almost say I get more use out of my phone these days than out of a personal computer.
That said, the guy boasting about having only two dollars and thirty seven cents in his checking account? Definitely not going on a date with him, no matter how cute he might be. I am allowed to reserve some judgment for potential romantic pursuits. After all, you want to find a life partner who shares many of your core values.