This is a super controversial topic, I know. But I plan to marry only with a solid pre-nup in place. I always knew I would marry with a pre-nup, since I was in my early twenties and my parents told me how much money they had then. My mom tried to tell me again recently and I told her I don’t need to know as it’s their money for them to spend in their lifetimes – I don’t need it. I definitely knew I would marry with a pre-nup when I was a 23 year old buying a condo with a 20% down payment and cash reserves leftover while still maxing out her 401(k). Hot stuff that sure intimated guys! My boyfriend, on the other hand, seems to find it attractive that I am wildly independent and know my way around Vanguard. I still remember his calm response when I first told him how much money I had saved, which was back when my net worth was in the high $300k range.
My boyfriend and I have started discussing what our pre-nup will look like, slowly, what our finances will look like in the future, how we will handle this appreciating like wild fire (too soon?) condo that I own right now as my separate property. A hot anniversary dinner topic, I know.
He was flabbergasted when I told him of how many people on the financial internet are so strongly in the one pot finances camp that they belittle people for ever separating their money or having a pre-nup. With the slow pace we are taking to the altar, by the time we get married, we could very well have a solid $2M net worth minimum combined. That’s a pretty huge difference from people who meet in college, with no money, have $50k/year jobs and get married in their mid-to-late-twenties. We are two financially stable, high income adults, a far cry from the people we were in college when we met.
Pre-nups aren’t just for people from old money. They’re for people who think strategically about how they will grow their wealth as a couple, while financially protecting both parties. For example, I picture using a pre-nup to re-title assets so that we could own this condo together without a mortgage or selling off any assets. Or we could use a pre-nup to re-title our separately lopsided, but balanced combined investment portfolios where one of us has 80% of their portfolio in taxable accounts and the other has 80% of their portfolio in tax-advantaged accounts, though both are completely indexed with maxed out 401(k)s, Backdoor Roth IRAs, and happy Vanguard accounts.
Right now, we track some shared spending in a spreadsheet. By we, I mean, I enter the data in the spreadsheet and update him every few months, usually to confirm that our system is working as expected and we’re splitting expenses just fine with our lackadaisical he pays for some items, I pay for others, and we split some 50/50 approach.
I tried to suggest to him that we make a game in 2015 of which one of us could save more money. When he remembers, he kicks himself for not agreeing to this game because it turned out that I took two months off unpaid and he had a record income year, so he totally would have won.
No, we’re not engaged. But we envision a future together, building wealth together. A mortgage-free life with index funds and maxed out 401(k)s. Financial security is sexy and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Here is to many more years of a life of delicious food cooked at home and adventures together! Swoon.