I’ve finally accepted that it’s a nice gesture for the guy to pay on the first few dates. Depending on how casual the date is, sometimes I’ll pay separately, but I’ll let the guy pay if he really insists. As a fairly independent woman who is financially secure, I’ve had a really hard time letting guys pay for me. It’s not like I can’t afford it myself…
The majority of the guys I’ve dated work in my industry and make a similar income to me, so I’m kind of used to dating people with a similar means to myself at this point. On the other hand, my field is rather male-dominated and so most of the guys I meet aren’t used to dating someone in our industry or who makes as much money as them. I know guys who have paid for their girlfriend to go on vacation with them somewhere because she couldn’t have otherwise afforded it and he wanted to go with her. I would feel super weird if someone paid for me to go on vacation with them when I can perfectly well afford it if it’s something that I want to do.
Where is the line between the occasional dinner and a vacation? That I’m not sure.
Where is the line when you’re in a relationship versus dating?
How is that line different when you both make similar high incomes?
You guys might not believe me, but I’ve been eating out less frequently and cooking more. I’m no longer going out for the occasional brunch by myself, but cooking brunch at home. I saw an $8 price tag on pancakes a few weeks ago for brunch and thought “I could buy several boxes of pancake mix and syrup for that price.” I have some pasta sauce recipes that I make from scratch that even if the ingredients cost $5-8, that’s cheaper than two people having that meal at a restaurant.
This is something that my boyfriend and I are slowly working through. I’m coming around to it being romantic for the guy to pay, but I still feel that at a certain point, it should alternate more. So far, I’ve been paying when we pick up groceries to cook at my place, if we go out in less romantic situations, like lunch on a work day or grabbing food quickly on the way to something else, or if I have a gift certificate for somewhere (I acquired some great ones in the move), and he has been paying on more romantic occasions. I think we’ll be okay on this since we’re good at talking things through. I have a feeling we’ll end up meeting in the middle somewhere :)
Readers, how did you decide who paid while you were/are dating someone?